4 am

he broke in

bitter

with the moonlight.

she woke up, no one else home.

she had never seen him before.

when he kicked the cat across the room

she knew he had come for her.

her shattered leg,

 in a cast from

 her motorcycle accident

 gave him no pause.

 he was not ugly to look at

but he held a gun,

threatening,

he told her he was going to kill her anyway.

she said,

no,

with tears in her voice,

 but

she did not cry.

she was only 21.

As her raped her,

 he told her

he had been watching her, waiting.

 waiting until no one else was home.

she could not see him,

he was behind her,

but she

 could feel

the cold steel

against her temple.

he was behind her,

 hurting her

 but she she was gone.

after,

he stood up and

pushed the blond hair out of his eyes.

he said, where is the money.

flat, like that, a statement.

she looked up at him

 from far away

and said, what money-

look around you

there is no money here.

but he

found the five dollars

 in her little green wallet.

and before he left,

gun still aimed at her head,

he threw that crumpled bill down and said,

you keep this money baby

you need it more than me.

he told her

 to count to one hundred

before she moved, that he would be watching her.

she looked at him no more.

after he left

she couldn’t talk or drive,

rocking back and forth.

she was sick over and over again.

sickest she’s ever been.

Later

her friends made her call the cops

 where she was raped all over again,

and they kept that five…

they kept that five dollars for fingerprints.

Later still.

she came up pregnant.

no question in keeping this child.

with heart heavy,

she lied to the “support group”

that she and her “boyfriend” weren’t ready,

were not ready for children.

after all,

she was only 21.

Now, years in the future,

childless still.

haunted still,

 by the face

and actions

of a man

who was never caught.

the words of the politicals,

“forcible rape”

makes her (me) sick all over again.

Sickest I have ever been.

-Cat Mihos